My biological father passed away on 12 June 2015 from heart CRYINGfailure

Been a traditional cold-as-ice Asian father, he didn’t raised me and my sister and we both don’t talked for ages.

I remembered the day he give me away to my husband on the 7 July 2012, he advise me to be a good and obedient wife and care for my husband till death tear you apart. Patience and tolerance, every marriage there are always challenge. Be strong and have faith. That was the last, I’ve ever spoke to him till I met him at his death bed.

I didn’t cried hard on the day he died or even after he died – but only once my tears running, when I realised that he is indeed my father, who does love me and care but he is not there for me when I need him most but he will be gone forever. I hide my tears in the room and sobbed for half an hour incontrollably.

I realised that your loved one don’t just die from your life and that over time you won’t forget about them much, they live on quite vividly actually in your memory.

Of course, I was sad when my father passed away. I was glad that I spent a time getting to know him while he was on his death bed at home in Tampines as I knew much more about him and that he is not a bad father after all. Matter of fact, he is kind, sensitive yet loving human being.

It would be a tragedy if the only memories of my dead father is a detached and aloof person of mystery.

My husband and I are proceeding in divorcing and its not only the departure of a person from their life but more significantly a loss of dreams, ideals, visions and fond memories.

You also experience other negative emotions of rejection, disappointment, bitterness, self blame, guilty, among others.

Of course, many people undergoing separation wish to jump into the acceptance phase so that they won’t need to suffer in misery.

The trouble about emotional healing is that there is no short cut here – one has to go through all the five stages of grief and sometimes one will hop back and forth ensuring that the whole process is well immersed. To many, it will be the most tragic period of their life but without pain there won’t be healing.

The pain and depression are actually nature way of preparing ourselves for the grief associated with our loss.

During this period, many people also tear easily and some even have to hide in the toilet and cry themselves out occasionally. We ought to give ourselves time and space to mourn as short-cutting it will only do ourselves more emotional harm. I could not eat nor sleep well and negative thoughts haunted my every living minute.

Is there anything else that is worse than dying? There is also this omnipresent sadness that hung around me like a everlasting shadow and proves difficult to shake off.

I later realised that it won’t go away for quite some time and later try to manage the depression the best I could.

I know that the marriage is as good as gone but how then can I use my pain to good effect?

I am a believer in sowing well so you can reap the benefits and knew from experience that there are two sides to every adversity.

You can either embrace and fight or run away and sulk in silence. I choose to fight for my right, my unborn child and live as a winner.

I just hope and pray, this pain will go away, as my growing fetus will eventually transform to a beautiful baby in the coming months…

“ I can feel the joy begins when new life is stirring inside…when a tiny heartbeat is heard for a very first time, and a playful kick reminds me that I never be alone “

Imaginary Friend

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