Blue_LadyMy biological father passed away on 12 June 2015 from heart failure.

Been a traditional cold-as-ice Asian father, he didn’t raised me and my sister and we both don’t talked for ages.

I remembered the day he give me away to my husband on the 7 July 2012, he advise me to be a good and obedient wife and care for my husband till death tear you apart. Patience and tolerance, every marriage there are always challenge. Be strong and have faith. That was the last, I’ve ever spoke to him till I met him at his death bed.

I didn’t cried hard on the day he died or even after he died – but only once my tears running, when I realised that he is indeed my father, who does love me and care but he is not there for me when I need him most but he will be gone forever. I hide my tears in the room and sobbed for half an hour incontrollably.

I realised that your loved one don’t just die from your life and that over time you won’t forget about them much, they live on quite vividly actually in your memory.

Of course, I was sad when my father passed away. I was glad that I spent a time getting to know him while he was on his death bed at home in Tampines as I knew much more about him and that he is not a bad father after all. Matter of fact, he is kind, sensitive yet loving human being.

It would be a tragedy if the only memories of my dead father is a detached and aloof person of mystery.

My husband and I are proceeding in divorcing and its not only the departure of a person from their life but more significantly a loss of dreams, ideals, visions and fond memories.

I disagreed with many that the aftermath feeling from a divorce is like the experiences of someone close by passing away.

I read about the five-steps grieve process is still the same, the intensity is actually ten times worse as your family is still around but they have chose to leave you out of their life. The self-rejection feeling is very intense here and more so I guess if your spouse has left you for another person.

Psychologists have identified the grief process into five categories and most of those who experience grief will roughly go through the different stages:- Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

Above all, this is true. I realised that if we don’t address this properly, I can go into a bottomless pit of depression and even turn suicidal. I learn to forgive and let go. Of course it will be painful, tough and emotional challenging, however, I believe healing will probably take place sooner..

I isolated alot by myself, kept alot in a room – it was my way of mourning over the loss of a 3 years of marriage. and 7 years of relationships.

I learnt about life, when someone dies, he is gone and life somehow moves on for those who are grieving. However, when you divorce, you experienced much more conflicting emotions of which there are no right words to describe.

You kept pondering whether you can make amends and hope that things will be back to normal…but it is not meant to be after all that had happened.

“ Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around “